trauma

last sunday

tooth begins to hurt. i think, "huh. i must be grinding my teeth at night." you know, due to the stress of feeling like first year teacher. 

later on that night

man this pain IS SO NOT going away. bummer! better make a dentist appointment. 

monday afternoon-thursday afternoon

specialist appointments ohhh and nitrus!

the specialist gives me nitrus. have you heard of this stuff? because i paid little attention to things that happen to me in my childhood, if i have had this stuff in my life i never knew! 

this was the best hour of my life...my thoughts had fluffy clouds around them, and i wanted to hug everyone! oh and i simultaneously came up with a hip icy hot commercial and rap video. yeah i did! it was awesome.

friday morning 11:00

ready to get this procedure over with. 

surgeon comes in to give me shots...ugh painful!

now at this point i am upset about a few things:

1. im missing a blue ribbon award assembly (im a dork! were ONE of only 21 schools is california to get such a nod)

2. the root of my sadness...i am not going to be able to schedule my first IUI for my husband and i because of all the damn drugs im gonna be on and ALL the stress this has caused. double ugh. 

then the procedure begins. i tell you, when that doctor pulled out my tooth i literally JUMPED off the table. it was excruciating! then...i just let go of all the damn sorry feelings i felt. the tears and sobbing...it literally went on for an hour. sure i could of pretended to have some shred of dignity, but i had none. i didn't want dignity. i wanted something to cry about! i really, truly did. i didn't want to cry about not having a baby, because come on! there are worse things! like this painful procedure! as traumatic as it all was,it felt good to cry a good long while and feel sorry for myself. i don't let myself do that EVER! but maybe i should.

kids will be kids

this week two kiddos celebrated their birthdays in class. it was great to remember how special this day truly is for such youngins. so much of my time is making sure i'm teaching standards well, and that my kiddos are learning. the cupcakes and gift bags were a great reminder that the kiddos are just that. kiddos. not just a brain. and you know what else? im not just a teacher. im a loving lady. that does what i do (not just for the test scores) but because i really love these little guys (and their brains!).

things i've learned from my parents

well one thing i learned from my parents is that if you lie about things (and when i say things i mean every type of things; how much groceries cost that week, what time your really gonna get to the party, the fact that you have forgotten to pay the electric bill for two months, or that you haven't done laundry yet). its the right thing to do. so what do i do. i lie from time to time. now, don't let your imagination get too crazy!
it's simple. i stayed late at work and didn't tell the husband. why tell the truth? he'll just be mad.  then im shocked when he thought i would be home with dinner ready because, you know, i got home at a decent hour. according to the lies ive told about where ive been. what a jerk. how could he expect me to have dinner ready after such a grueling day! oh wait i didnt tell em about my grueling day because i thought it would be better not to say anything about it. we explained ourselves and all was fine.
however, here's the thing. i like to consider myself somewhat of a good communicator (not great, but moderately in the good range) so why do i revert to things ive learned from my parents? sheesh, i guess 18 years of living with people can really rub off on ya.

the good ol try

im gonna give this whole blog thing another try. i wont be so scared this time. im a little overwhelmed by it all though. i have tons of questions:
1. how do i add blogs i like (does a make a difference what "feed" they're subscribed to?)
2. how do i change this drab template? its killin' me!
3. buttons? what are these buttons?
4. widgets...is that a type of gnome?
confused for sure...but once im intrigued, ill catch on. i hope...

What Did You Eat In 2010?: SELF.com

What Did You Eat In 2010?: SELF.com

i love this blog from SELF! i haven't really been keeping up with it this year, but with the new year and all...i checked back and there it was tried and true!

Ballet and 4th Graders

took my class to go see the nutcracker this week.  the kids have been  studying the story, the music, and the ballet performance! it was one of the most magical things to experience with students. culture. culture that is not made available to my students by their families. what a priceless gift! it might not have been their favorite performance, but their faces shined with joy as they entered the theatre. one child exclaimed, "i feel so special! i don't know why!". the magic of new experiences all in a nutshell! and even though i gushed as the nutcracker leaped in front of my 4th graders in all "his glory", i squealed in excitement when my children turned to look at me, because they recognized the ballads of the sugar plum fairy and all the music of the drinks presented to marie! again. priceless. just priceless!
long live art grants and PTA!

Waiting for Superman

ok...so. this waiting for superman movie. im all inspired by it and all. but let me just take a minute here to see if i understand.
so...when the government gives children FREE public education parents dont give a care. they are unaware of how to properly support their schools and teachers. BUT if you now have to pay for it somehow; hence a CHARTER SCHOOL, then your gonna care. i dont get it. you already pay for it, tax dollars people. why not get positively involved with your schools and teachers in the public ed realm?? can i tell you how many of my parents DONT have a clue as to what a great school their kids go to?! we are being nominated for a national blue ribbon award. they dont care. you know what they do know. that they dont want their kid to stay after school and be held responsible for daily work that their child choose not to complete. they know that their child can be held to mediocre educational standards in the household. but hey why not put the responsibility of excellence on my shoulders? sure. no problem. i welcome a good challenge. BUT REALLY? stop cryin' about public education and how parents and children are the victims. you know who the true victims are in this story. teachers. again.