trauma

last sunday

tooth begins to hurt. i think, "huh. i must be grinding my teeth at night." you know, due to the stress of feeling like first year teacher. 

later on that night

man this pain IS SO NOT going away. bummer! better make a dentist appointment. 

monday afternoon-thursday afternoon

specialist appointments ohhh and nitrus!

the specialist gives me nitrus. have you heard of this stuff? because i paid little attention to things that happen to me in my childhood, if i have had this stuff in my life i never knew! 

this was the best hour of my life...my thoughts had fluffy clouds around them, and i wanted to hug everyone! oh and i simultaneously came up with a hip icy hot commercial and rap video. yeah i did! it was awesome.

friday morning 11:00

ready to get this procedure over with. 

surgeon comes in to give me shots...ugh painful!

now at this point i am upset about a few things:

1. im missing a blue ribbon award assembly (im a dork! were ONE of only 21 schools is california to get such a nod)

2. the root of my sadness...i am not going to be able to schedule my first IUI for my husband and i because of all the damn drugs im gonna be on and ALL the stress this has caused. double ugh. 

then the procedure begins. i tell you, when that doctor pulled out my tooth i literally JUMPED off the table. it was excruciating! then...i just let go of all the damn sorry feelings i felt. the tears and sobbing...it literally went on for an hour. sure i could of pretended to have some shred of dignity, but i had none. i didn't want dignity. i wanted something to cry about! i really, truly did. i didn't want to cry about not having a baby, because come on! there are worse things! like this painful procedure! as traumatic as it all was,it felt good to cry a good long while and feel sorry for myself. i don't let myself do that EVER! but maybe i should.